"This past Saturday we received our first bit of bad news" concerning the funding of our adoption of Jonas. As a high school teacher, I've witnessed countless high school students apply for scholarships and receive about one-third to one-fifth of the scholarships they had applied for. I knew that this would most likely be the case for Amber and I as we began seeking some help as the timeline is starting to speed up in our quest to get Jonas home. On Saturday morning, fresh after our first cup of coffee, we received our first (What do you honestly call it?).....rejection letter. Okay, that may be a bit over-dramatic. Actually, for the most part, the letter, from one of the foundations we had applied to for an international adoption grant, was an encouraging letter, offering prayer for us as we continue our journey. There was still that one stinging phrase, "we genuinely regret that we are unable to offer financial support at this time." I felt a little numb. Amber, who has been saving and saving and has been "motivating" me to get grants done, shed a few tears of disappointment. We were both in shock. And it was a bit bittersweet to read how other families received the grant, who "appear", and who am I to judge or know, to be in a much better financial spot than we are. An it was so easy, at this news, to jump to quick conclusions and wonder what WE did wrong, how WE might have wrote the wrong answer on one of the many questions of the grant application. We're adopting a 12-year-old, out of birth order, with hemophilia. Some of the agencies and foundations we've read about aren't big fans of adopting out of birth order. For this grant, I had written a heart-felt and sincere, six-page essay laying out how God had thawed my stubborn, icy heart. The essay beautifully, at least I thought it did, how God had lead our family down an ever-winding journey that unexpectedly led us to a beautiful boy in Taiyuan City who has hemophilia and will soon age out. In these moments, you begin to question, to wonder, and to feel a bit of an icy chill at the corners of your heart. Bitterness, jealousy, and anger start to whisper in your ear. With any challenge or set-back, and ours was TREMENDOUSLY TINY, you begin to wonder where God is in the mix. Wouldn't God want to bless us with the means to bring home Jonas as soon as possible? And with doubt, comes tremendous worry. Then something UNEXPECTED and MIRACULOUS happened. Our soon-to-be ten-year-old, Quaid, came quietly in with his devotional book, Jesus Calling: 365 Devotions for Children, and his Bible. Quaid simply OPENS UP TO SATURDAY'S SPECIFIC DATE, May 21 and begins to read the following words to Amber and I... "I, the Creator of the whole universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? So there is no need to worry about anything-ever. And yet, you do worry." Quaid continued reading. The words kept assaulting our hearts and strengthening our shaky faith. We were in a NEW kind of shock now. As he kept reading the short devotional, he eventually read these words: "Worry happens when you snatch back control of your life from Me. You forgot that I am in charge. ....How could I not give you everything else you need?" He finished his time by reading the assigned Scripture readings (Romans 8:31 and Micah 7:7). And that was it. I tend to believe that God allows everything to happen as it is suppose to. And while I scratch my head at the deaths of children, the prevalence of cancer, an auto-wreck that suddenly abruptly ends a teenager's life, tornadoes roaring through and destroying lives at random, or why it is such a struggle to help bring our child home from China. I am NOT in control, and I do not have the sight to see the larger purpose behind setbacks, heartaches, and tragedies. In our case, the blessing that came from bad news was seeing the faith of one my children in action. And seeing my children trust in God is worth a hundred rejection letters. God's message on Saturday morning was simply to Trust and See. We will trust that God will provide, NOT in naivete, but in the confidence that HE is leading. God makes all things good. (Another verse near Romans 8:31). "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31
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"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the EAST and gather you from the west" Archives
March 2017
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