For nearly a year, a chair has sat empty around our family's dinner table. On November 18, 2017, upon arriving back from China, Jonas Timothy Huangyi McCulloch, found his place at our table and in our family's hearts. Life in its vigorous, unrelenting way has been moving "full-speed ahead" since we've arrived home last November. Jonas immediately "experienced" his first American Thanksgiving with over forty McCulloch and Varty family members. (If you haven't seen Jonas' Homecoming video, you can see that beautiful day and moments from his FIRST Thanksgiving and other "firsts" here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZwGTizKs-E) On Thanksgiving, Jonas even took to the street with his uncles and cousins and played a little light football. As you all know, once you hit Thanksgiving the next four weeks of Christmas events are an avalanche of family parties, shopping, wrapping, watching Christmas movies, Holiday band and choir concerts. Jonas decorated his first Christmas tree. After surviving both the process of finding and cutting down a Christmas tree, along with our decision to do family pictures at the tree farm, we placed our slightly-crooked, "this tree looks like a distant cousin to the Charlie Brown Christmas tree" up and to a bewildered Jonas we hung lights and ornaments. As each of our kids placed up ornaments that dated back to their first years of life through now, Jonas had only a few of his own newly-bought ornaments to place in the tree. Our kids "shared" their ornaments with him so he had more to hang, but at one moment Jonas left our family room and was busy gathering paper and pencils and crayons. While we continued to add ornaments to our tree, Jonas continued to work on his OWN ornament, his OWN masterpiece. When he was done, he timidly presented his work, a collage that captured elements of the holiday season, drawings of each of us and our pets, and across the middle these words: "I LOVE MY Family". There could be no greater gift that holiday season. Jonas felt loved, accepted and a part of HIS family. Through Christmas morning and New Years, into celebrations of Chinese New Year and the Super Bowl, each of us in our family have come to realize one truth: As much a "gift" our family may be to Jonas, He is MORE a GIFT, a BLESSING to US. Jonas, through the awe and wonder in his eyes at the simplest of things, singing "Happy Birthday" or receiving a gift from someone, has shown all of us in our family to LOOK and SEE the blessings around us. Just the other morning, as we drove to school, Jonas excitedly pointed up to the sky, shouting, "Look Dad!! Look!!". As I squinted up through our front windshield, I saw the white tracks of a plane ascending far in the distance. Jonas remembered his first plane ride and being up in the air like that plane he spotted that morning. As Jonas has shared of the hardships and sad (and happy) moments of his life in China, the joy he exhibits and the pure, selfless love he carries in the BIG smile puts my often, miserable, selfish heart to shame. Jonas certainly endured many sad moments in his life. And while some would be tempted to say, "look how your family SAVED him." Nope. It is Jonas who has saved us, especially me, in my lack of gratitude, from the moments where I feel that life is so "miserable." His joy and laughter have uncovered the many elements in life that I have neglected to be joyful about. There has been much to celebrate and be joyful about as our family has grown to a family of seven. And if you follow Amber and my Facebook posts or Instagram pics, you hopefully can see that joy, our MORE open eyes to SEE the blessings we have in EACH other. This is not to say that life around our table, within the rooms of our house, play off each day as PERFECTION. When asked how life is at home with five kids and seven people, our answer has become "we are in transition." Amber and I are imperfect parents. Our kids, including Jonas, are typical....KIDS! There have been arguments, moments of jealousy, fights over who had the computer or television first. As Jonas adjust to learning a WHOLE new language, we have pretty much shoved him into church events, movie outings, being a part of family movie night. We took him to the movies a little over week after arriving in America, for crying out lout. (We know he at least enjoyed the buttered popcorn and recliners even if he didn't understand a WORD of the movie.) There have been tears and bitter moments as siblings adjust to a new brother that has been added immediately to the mix since last November. As with all siblings, there have been fights. Mix in Jonas' hemophilia and the need to give him one-on-one instruction to learn how to read and speak in English (which Amber has solely taken on ALL BY HERSELF) and there are nights where Amber and I feel a bit exhausted and overwhelmed. Our newly, remodeled family certainly requires MUCH prayer, MUCH dependence on God. We are a work in progress, trying to make sure EACH of our five children feel loved and special. But you know what? Those tough and challenging moments, which arrive DAILY, pale in comparison to the joy and blessing we are all discovering as we continue to adjust to being a family of six to a family of seven. We are reminded with each new challenge, each fight, each tear that falls that WE all LOVE and NEED each other. We are reaffirmed in our belief in the utter importance of FAMILY, and not family defined by BLOOD but by the bond of love we have for each other. So a once empty chair is now filled around our table. Our home is a "bit" more full. But God, knowing WHO and WHAT our family needed, has brought Jonas and a whole TON of realizations and moments of growth to us. Jonas is EXACTLY what our home and OUR HEARTS needed. Our family is a "work in progress", and the view around our table is nothing short of a masterpiece.
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Dear Amber,
This morning we sit in Guangzhou, China in our hotel room with a twelve year old Chinese boy. In a little over 48 hours, we will have our new family of seven finally united. A year ago I remember wondering what the road ahead would look like. Figuring out finances, having a stranger, who is now our dear friend Kenisha, observe our home and family, endless paperwork, endless stress, and understanding the needed humility of depending on so many family and friends were all moments in this journey. To say that I didn't always handle the stress of the unknown well might be the "Great Understatement of 2016." I often scratched my head in wonderment not always understanding this journey. With every new request to priority mail a document to our courier in Chicago or new adoption grant you asked me to fill out, I saw only more work and stress and a dwindling amount of time for me to relax. You saw another step in moving forward to bring Jonas home. We argued, and I fear sometimes that our children may only see sacrifice and giving as only having stress, conflict, and fear attached. But you and I now know better. While there have been sacrifices (Heaven forbid that we had to take lesser vacations and eat out less) and the anxiety has "seemed" to feel like it has crushed us sometime. We, mainly being ME, now knows so much better of the real elements and reasons for this journey. Thank you Amber. Thank you. If you had not stopped to hear God's voice over my protests and concerns and complaints, so much of the growth and perspective I needed would have been lost. You rescued more than an orphan from Taiyuan City, China. God used YOU to get me to do more than talk my faith, to not just "LISTEN to the word" , but to "do what it says". I have felt passionate to TALK about what a life devoted to God looks like but not always actually LIVE it. When there is no glory to be found in government paperwork or no applause for helping your new son with a nosebleed in the middle of a subway in China, your faith and life are no longer about YOU they are about God and others. I needed that, Amber. Even being on another continent where hardly anyone else can speak your language and their food and customs are a bit...umm..."unfamiliar," God has used some tense and scary moments to remind me that the WORLD is my family and to break my heart for not just the orphans of the world but for the people of China. That may not have happened without your willingness to take a leap of faith. This year, and particularly these past two weeks have made me just have to trust God when we had little to no control. I think of boarding that crowded train in Beijing where we were the only Americans, not knowing WHAT the announcer was saying, and sitting in the wrong seats because we just didn't know, we had to simply board that train and just hope and trust. In seeing the often cramped and meager living conditions of many of the Chinese people, I was reminded of the plentiful that have often called "not enough." We are blessed. I am blessed. And on the crowded street corners, where street vendors grilled seasoned chicken to sell and feed others in order to feed themselves, I saw happiness and togetherness and fellowship. This was but one of many moments that have impacted me while here. These and so many moments we have gone through together. And I know, I know. I haven't always had the best attitude on this journey, but when the heart and soul need some remodeling, the process isn't always easy. I am glad that despite the various and many tough moments that God saw us through this, like so many moments in our lives, TOGETHER. I may sit silent during occasional breakfasts trying to get my mind to adjust to time changes and now having seven mouths to feed, but I know in my heart that this was the journey God meant for us to go on. To my soulmate and best friend, you rescued more than an orphan. You rescued my heart. I love you. -Jay A year ago I wrote this letter to my kids. http://roomatourtable.weebly.com/blog/letters-part-1 On July 18, 2001, Amber and my world forever changed. We became first-time parents. As Logan Michael Don McCulloch entered our world, we had no idea that the changes ahead involved more than diaper changes and midinght bottle feedings. The very structure of our schedules, our routines, and most importantly the very make-up of our hearts were to undergo tremendous changes. One can never fathom how much the compartment of your heart will be filled, be remodeled, sometimes taking a beating, but always be filled to capacity with joy and pride and love for the new little life you will watch grow up and become an adult someday. As every parent knows it is a magnificent, terrifying, tear-inducing , BEAUTIFUL journey. Each of my four children's births will forever be among the VERY best days of my life. I could never imagine my life without Logan, Scout, Quaid, and Sawyer. Their arrivals into our lives have brought years of priceless memories and love and joy that are what I believe make life the VERY best it can be. And here I am. In Taiyuan City, China. On November 7, 2016. Amber and I had taken a train from Beiijing into the heart of China to adopte Zhao Huangyi. Once again, we were about to see our world change again in tremendous ways. In the two days that we have spent with Zhao Huang Yi, it is evident that he was meant to be in our family. Amber and I already recognize traits in him that mirror Logan (He is a Leader) and Scout (He wants to please others)and Quaid (He is kindhearted) and Sawyer (He is a fun jokester). And there is no one to credit this perfect match except God. On Monday, November 7th, we climbed into a van and drove to a poorer section of Taiyuan City where the Social Welfare Institute is located. Thirty minutes later, Amber, Meggie (our absolutely awesome guide and interpreter), and I walked down a long, dark hallway of the institute, walked through a door, and saw our new son, Jonas, sitting in grey sweatpants and a black hoodie. His wide eyes looking bewildered at the events that were about to unfold. As we hugged his temporary caretaker, Hannah, and hugged him, my mind was trying to comprehend the events that were unfolding. For a half hour, we signed, filled out paperwork, and fixed a red thumbprint to every signature we made. Then we walkd out the door, on this Forever Family Day, with twenty four hours to determine and make a decision that we had made nine months ago already. I can't imagine what must have been going through Jonas' head. Here began his journey to leave the foster family he had been with for ten years, to soon leave the city he had known his whole life, to leave the country of his language and culture. My hurt was heavy for him, but the joy and bright smile he carried on that first afternoon with Amber and I showed us what a positive, accepting boy he was. While I have no idea what his upbringing was like in that foster home, his family raised a kind and sharing and curious and condident boy. As we went to a local Shanxi restaurant for noodles and then to Haagen-Daas for ice cream, he has showed over and over again that he relentlessly wants to share, wants us to enjoy what he is enjoying. The interesting snacks we've bought him from the local Walmart (that is a whole other blog post), inlcuding dried and salty peas and "beef-flavored chips", he NEVER eats without INSISTING we must eat one. When we have eaten out, I have had the "pleasure" of trying unidentifiable items that he has shoved into my mouth because he wants ME to enjoy what he is enjoying. As we move from place to place, his limited English DOES include "Ready?" and "Thank you" and "You're welcome" and.... "Come on Baby!!" But the most present aspect of his presence is his smile and laugh. We can tell that he is enjoying his time with us. He likes to laugh at my silliness (which comes without any attempts at trying). He soaks up the one-on-one attention that Amber gives him when watching a subtitled version of MINIONS or PENGUINS or when she is teaching him English words for items in the bathroom. He just smiles and smiles and smiles. He appreciates the dollar store toys we brought and the winter hat that we gave him. While he loved chocolate ice cream at Haagen-Daas (Who doesn't?), he is not sure how he feels about Papa Johns pepperoni pizza (Thank you God for the presence of a few Western food restaurants!). He did eat almost a whole order of cheese-sticks, so we have hope that he will adapt well to the cooking and eating habits of our family. So he had his first slice of pizza with us, and we believe that he is expereiencing many "Firsts" or events that he rarely experienced, like riding in a car and swimming. While it takes him about an hour to slowly enter the pool, once he was in, he loved taking rides on my back across the large pool at our hotel. He loves to play Minecraft and Plants Versus Zombies. He loves, like his dad, to snack and to eat. And he loves hugs and to cuddle. Yesterday, we drove back to the orphanage office. After being asked a series of questions, writing his desire to be adopted into our family on official documents, Zhao Huang Yi agreed to become Jonas Timothy Huangyi McCulloch. As he playfully answered questions of the orphanage director, our intrepeter shared that the director felt he was getting a GOOD family with REALLY good parents and she told us that Jonas was very smart and would also occasionally be a "naughty boy". He smiled at that comment. After our own interview and more signatures and thumbprints, we left the orphanage office parents of a 12-year old Chinese boy. We now eagerly await, after some more appointments here and in Ghangzhou, our family being reunited and....complete. When love becomes the main and truest motivation for taking a leap of faith, one becomes willing to take the longest and most stretching of journeys. But when God does some incredible "behind the scenes works and miracles that only HE could have arranged, you know that he is directly saying "GO!" He doesn't want you to worry about HOW. God simply wants you in the smoke of chaos and "not-knowing" to simply take the journey. And so in the handful of days before leaving, we, in the matter of hours, began booking plane tickets and working with our agency, ATWA, to book hotels and needed appointments on a feeling that we should simply GO. In the week that transpired before leaving and in in the earliest days of this journey, God has stretched us, taking us to a point where we had to be certain we knew WHY we were GOING. Faith, in its most brutal and straightforward of requirements, will insist that we truly rely on it as much as we say we say we do. Prior to leaving, every worry and concern imaginable began to pop up. Both Amber and I, especially me being the worrier that I am, found ourselves challenged in that brought a lot of tension going into our departure. Of the most concerining, Amber's mom, Sandy, had some serious health concerns abruptly occur. In a week's time, Sandy had been admitted to a local hospital twice and eventually transferred to a more in intensive hospital in Detroit. On a much less critical level, our new departure dates meant that Quarter 1 grades had to be done a week early, our second dramatic performance (with costumes and contracts to be finalized along with setting up rehearsals to be run run by my dear friends Lisa Copley, Curtis Clark, and my drama president Aydrea Westrick ), and over two weeks of lesson planning had to be done in less than a week's time. Add in maintaining our family and going to school choir and band events and finalizing arrangments for our kids, and we found ourselves extremely stressed out. On the Saturday before we left, in the midst of Halloween parties and prepping to go, our family had a literal meltdown. It was bad, with tears and words that only reflected how stressed we had become. In the fog of that week, I squinted to see if my faith faith was still there. It was. On Thursday, November 3, 2016, both love and beaten faith put us on a plane to travel 6,672 miles from our home and and family. While we went from the comforts of a fully English speaking, "food that we recognize and are confident in eating home, " where we we are awake and asleep during Eastern Standard Time hours, there was definitely some culture shock. Sleep deprived, not understanding the words and culture around us, we feel very much like strangers lost in an unknown land. But God resurrects and resuscitates our b but God resurrects and resuscitates are broken and fleeting faith by shinin It has been a tough week. Amber and I have walked through sorrows and tragedies throughout our lives. We have stood, grieving, at the gravesides of family members and friends who have passed away. The stress and turmoil of financial stresses and waiting anxiously with a child in the emergency room have been a part of our family story. Worries about job security and working through various forms of heartache are conflicts we are well acquainted with. And we have learned to hold God's hand through those moments. There has been questioning and anger and bitterness too. I can vouch for myself that when trials come I am not always the best at trusting God. I question Him and wonder if He is really there, working "for the good of those that love Him." But I cannot look back in the rear view mirror of life, STILL moving forward past some of the ruins, and sense that anything BUT God has moved me, Amber, and our family further down the road. Some would call me a fool for my faith and belief, but I can offer no human explanation for arriving where I am at today. God has brought us through some tough times. But this week has been different. Amber and I are moving through pages in our life story that we neither expected or experienced before. Over a year ago, we began this journey to bring an orphan from China into our home, into our family. The beginning of our journey had us heading to China to potentially bring home a seven-year old boy, but as those that have followed our story know, God had a greater plan. Huang Yi, a twelve-year old with hemophilia, was brought to our hearts last February. Huang Yi became our Jonas, and a decision had to be made as to who God wanted us to bring into our home on first trip to China. Through tears and prayers, we have and remain certain that Huang Yi was to be a part of our family. Last Saturday (10/8), after months of filling out paperwork and mailing documents all over the country, after months of anticipation, fundraising, prayers, we finally arrived at a point in our journey we had longe for...Travel Approval. So this past week, we established dates for a consulate appointment in China that would determine the dates we would travel to and be in China to bring our son home. Then the unexpected happened, we received our first update on Huang Yi. In it, we learned that he had been with the same foster family for nearly a decade. We the ties and bonds that almost anyone would build with that much time, Huang Yi, Jonas, has indicated that he does NOT want to be adopted. In addition, he is receiving more treatment for his hemophilia than we had anticipated. And we get it. We truly do. Amber and I fully understand how terrified and confused he must feel. To leave the family that has been all you have known and to travel across an ocean, away from the established security of family and friends, would be decision not easily made. I find myself scared at the thought of being in China for just TWO weeks, let alone the thought of moving your whole life to a new continent. So in the past couple of days, Amber and I have felt an ache, felt a questions arise in our hearts towards God. I must admit I have found myself angry at God. I expected, with His leading last February, that everything would move forward without a hitch. That we would be in the ultimate Hallmark movie of the week. I had daydreams of our Jonas running into our arms, like so many Youtube videos we have seen of "Gotcha Days". Tears would flow, and he would just embrace becoming a McCulloch without a second thought. Of course, when taking into account all that would be changing for Jonas, this was an absurd thought. But even as we get the complications of an orphan's heart, we still hurt, and question, and wonder. Our family made a video and wrote a letter to offer some comfort and allow Jonas a look into our home and into our hearts. And so many of you have been praying that he will realize, through our words and our video that a family waits to love him with an unconditional, unrelenting love. And so we wait for his answer. And we wait upon God's leading and guidance. We try to cling to the thought that God "works for the good" for "those that love Him." And I know that I am impatient and have some "not-so-perfect" moments with God. But it is and has never been just about me. It has never been about Amber or our family. And in truth, it is not JUST about offering an orphan a loving home, a loving family. We are learning within this painful time of waiting that it is about so much more. Within comments on Facebook and private messages and texts, you have offered us so much encouragement during this difficult time, but we have also learned how our humble story is impacting you. And in the end, if some family realizes that THEY can make this journey or someone finds realness and encouragement in our sometimes shaky faith, than this period of waiting, no matter how it turns out, will serve far greater purposes than we ever anticipated. So we find ourselves in darker moments in our journey right now. We are so uncertain and anxious as to what the days ahead will bring. Will he say yes? Will he remain uncertain and say "no"? Will we travel in two week or two months? How will this journey end? And beyond our journey to bring home an orphan, how will our lives and family look? There is a heavy amount of uncertainty. And in the darkness of "not-knowing" and questioning, I found such encouragement this afternoon in Isaiah 45:3- And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness... I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord... If in our waiting, our uncertainty, God is glorified than treasures are certainly found in the darkness. If people find encouragement or are encouraged to commit acts of love, than treasures are found in the darkness. In these darker moments, may I and others know that He is God, that He is Lord. And in verse 15 of this same chapter of Isaiah, The Message translation offered these incredible words against our current "holding pattern" in our adoption journey: "Clearly, you are a God who works behind the scenes..." No matter where this journey leads and what its purpose is to be in our lives and in the lives of others, may we each realize that God "works behind the scenes" revealing "treasures hidden in the darkness." |
"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the EAST and gather you from the west" Archives
March 2017
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