For years, one of my favorite movies is Mr. Holland's Opus (1995), starring Richard Dreyfus. Spanning several decades, it tells the story of a high school band teacher and the many different lives he impacts over the course of his career. At the end of the movie, upon his retirement, Mr. Holland thinks that his life as a music educator has not amounted to much. As he leaves the high school one last time, Mr. Holland enters the school auditorium where former students, friends, and family have all gathered to surprise him. All of those assembled greet him with thundering applause. Among other tear-inducing plot points, Mr. Holland discovers in this final scene how much he IS loved. It is a moving moment, fully capturing the power of love and support from family and friends. This past Thursday night, as Amber, the kids, and I entered our church's gymnasium for the spaghetti dinner fundraiser, we too felt the power of love and support. We were reminded and overwhelmed by the presence of so many our family and friends that were able to make it. From the love, energy, and creativity of our sister-in-law Corey and dearest of friends Jana Simpson, the spaghetti dinner and silent auction brought over two hundred people together to help bring home our Jonas from Taiuyan City, China. The generosity, time, and selfless effort of those we hold so dear in our hearts helped to raise over $3,000. Our family is so thankful to God and to those that were able to attend for helping to soften the burden of fees and expenses in bringing Jonas home. Still, it is not the funds raised that remain at the forefront of our thoughts from that night. What moved us was the presence of each person there simply as an act of love. There is NO price that can be put on the feeling of being supported and loved. Whether we had raised $2 or $20,000, we did not feel alone and are forever changed by the images of loved ones gathered together to bring one orphan boy home. I am learning and re-learning....and re-learning again (until my brain, heart, and soul finally get it) what is truly MOST important in life. Time and time again, whether it is being more focused on my own needs and guided only by the coldness of my selfishness, or allowing worry and anxiety to distort a potentially beautiful day, or having the wrong and pessimistic view of life, moments, like the one experienced the other night, wash the dirt from my eyes, clear my ears out to hear life's music again, and erase the burnt smudges that often cover my heart. Whether you were able to attend the dinner or sent an encouraging note on Facebook or offered your house and garage for a weekend garage sale, everyone of you are helping me believe in goodwill and compassion of people again. And it is not just the McCulloch family being impacted by witness of your support. After the other night, I never want to forget that feeling of togetherness my family felt. I want it to truly transform the way I live. I want to be more willing to give, whether it be my time, money or energy. I want to be one that just encourages and has more presence in the lives of others. "Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." (1 Thessalonians 5:11) From the beginning of the dinner to long after the last guest had left, the McCulloch family experienced the very heart of this verse. For every doubt, hour of anxiety, stress-filled moment that we have and are sure to continue to experience, how each of you continue to stand alongside us keeps us moving forward, inflates our courage and perseverance again. So to my parents, Don and Liz, my in-laws, Mike and Sandy, my dear McCulloch, Varty, Simpson and Morris families that helped with hours of set up, tear down, decorating tables, making a beautiful video of our son (Scott Simpson), making hundreds of chocolate chip cookies (Shannon Teter) and for running various endless, errands, thank you. To Colonial Woods Missionary Church, our home for over eighteen years, for allowing us to host this event, thank you. To my three brothers, Jon (who was our Gordon Ramsay and Kitchen Chief), Joe, and Tim, and Brad Morris and Dewey Snyder, for being in the heat and epicenter of the intense kitchen, thank you. To those that donated or bid on items for the silent auction, thank you. To those that came, ATE OUR SPAGHETTI, talked and laughed, and were able to be present, thank you. To those who have and continue to remain PRESENT in our journey with prayers and words of encouragement, thank you. And finally to Corey McCulloch, Jon McCulloch, and Jana Simpson that planned and saw a beautiful night of support, we truly felt like that fictional band director, Mr. Holland, as we entered that gymnasium, we felt so very loved and supported, THANK YOU SO MUCH. On that night, half a world away, a little boy, named Jonas, slept, not even knowing that plates filled with spaghetti and love and the support of family and friends were helping to bring him home.
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Saturday was a milestone day. On Friday afternoon, we received a VERY important single-page document, the"Letter Seeking Confirmation from Adopter". Upon receiving and translating our dossier, China's Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption has reviewed and approved us to move forward in adopting Zhao Huang Yi...our Jonas. Receiving this letter from China allows us to move forward with filing our I-800 with the USCIS. The I 800 is a large packet of various documents and Huang Yi's files from China that will serve determine if the United States will him to permanently reside in the U.S. with us as our child, as our son. There have been many moments in the past year of documents being mailed, of documents arriving at various government offices and in China, and of documents being approved. Amber has excitedly called me several times to relay how one form or another form had been approved, moving us forward on the journey. But holding that green and white Letter of Seeking Confirmation from Adopter has become the most incredible milestone I felt we reached. Our family is getting very close the "final phase" of this year-long journey. What struck me most emotionally with the letter, were two simple boxes near the bottom of the document. Throughout my life, there have been significant boxes to check, signifying a choice in an important decision. Just this past week, I had to select which box to check to determine if I accepted a tentative contract for teaching. There have also been many silly and meaningless boxes to check in my life, such as selecting what the next flavor potato chip should be or what is my favorite album of all time is. Looking at the two boxes at the bottom of that letter on Saturday morning, the significance and emotion of what those two boxes meant became very real. Entitled "Decision of the Adopter", a few simple words and two empty boxes left us to commit to whether we would "accept the adoptee" or not. A "check mark", a "simple X" would signify a decision to rewrite the pages of Jonas' life and to rewrite pages of our family. Seeing the words and the two empty boxes in print made a decision we had made long ago in our hearts so much more real.
And as we checked that box "accepting" our Jonas and signed the document to include with our I 800 packet and to be sent back to China, I reflected how our lives were the ones changing for the better FAR MORE than Jonas'. As life so often does, the triumph of a moment does not block out other worries, concerns, and anxiety making noise at the front door of our hearts. Completion of the I 800 proved to be tedious, and with the sending of the I 800, we realize we are getting close to the end of the journey. Many fees and arrangements to travel and miss work are fast approaching. With great excitement, I talked through with our case worker and our adoption director about the timeline ahead. We have move from talking about months ahead to weeks. Within ten weeks, we should receive approval to travel to China. In the mix of the joy of receiving the Letter Seeking Confirmation that we truly desire to make Jonas a part of our family, I also felt a tidal wave of stress and fear over finances and making arrangements. Mix this in with fatigue of filling out forms, I was a mess, filled with anxiety. Another significant and emotional moment arrived unexpectedly on Saturday, making copies of Jonas' file at our local Staples of all places. With part of putting together the I 800 packet includes sending Jonas' English and Mandarin files, I decided to get the thirty-plus pages printed at Staples, rather than attempt to print them at home. What I had forgotten was that a few of the files included pictures of Jonas, so I was surprised when the copy clerk handed me an 8 1/2 by 11 photocopy print of Jonas and asked me, "Do you want this photo printed too?" As I looked at Jonas' picture, I was struck, at that very moment, how I was looking at MY SON. I began to really sense and could see him being in our family, going on vacation, sitting around our dinner table. In a day where we had "checked" to accept him into our family, that black and white photocopy of a photo really struck me in the line at Staple's Copy Center. And in the moment, the anxiety and worry of the day disappeared. It was as if God was saying, "Jay, look at your child. He is going to be in YOUR family soon. Everything is in MY hands." And I felt tremendous love for my son and a peace that was unexplained. Looking at Jonas' face in that picture, I wondered how he has felt for nine years, waiting for his family. Jonas, we have checked the "Yes" box. The forms are in the mail. Very soon you will be home with your family. We are now fully into the season of fundraising to bring our Jonas home. As we are in what would be typically the "dog days of summer", the McCulloch family is now in "full steam ahead mode." On Saturday, we learned that our file, now in China, has been fully translated into Mandarin, and within the coming DAYS we should receive our Letter of Approval. This means we are in the final stages of what has been nearly a year-long process. Nearing the end means that MANY of the large fees and costs are about to hit, and the thought of what has been saved and what remains would normally be enough to bring on a series of sleepless nights and anxiety attacks for me. But there is a tangible and REAL peace, never foolish blindness to or simply being naive to the challenges and reality around us. Amber and I just overwhelmingly sense that we can simply trust God. Now I would normally be one to scoff or even slightly roll my eyes when a dear saint of the Christian faith would share how "God hears and answers our prayers." I have let my faith become a bit cynical and rusted these past several years. There are broken lives I have prayed for that remain in a state of chaos and pain that my faith cannot make much sense of. And I would never have thought myself to be one who would utter what once seemed to be the stereotypical and cliche response to the challenges ahead with simply, "all will be well." But here we are, feeling peaceful ("most" of the time) and moving forward through what many have called "insane and crazy". We are adopting a son, from China, who is twelve years old and has hemophilia. And it has NOTHING to do with me. This is not a peace and a confidence that you would normally find in me. It can only be God and God alone. And once again, at a family garage sale fundraiser, hosted by my brother Joe and sister-in-law Michelle's home in Port Huron, God blessed us and reaffirmed his leading in this journey to bring home Jonas. And tonight with tears of joy and overflowing heart of gratitude, we cannot even begin to explain or express how touched we were by a simple garage sale. It was interesting to see people walk up my brother's driveway to peruse the "treasures" several families had donated to help us in an effort to raise funds for our adoption. As I have done at many garage sales, people would quickly skim the clothes, dvds, kids' toys, furniture, baby equipment, and many, many ceramic cookie jars. If nothing caught their eye, it would be a smile and a very quick retreat back to their vehicle, heading to the next garage sale. To some, despite the many donated treasures and the superb lemonade we were selling, our garage sale may have seemed nothing more than "junk" or "second hand". But to Amber and I, there was SO much at this garage sale that we felt was priceless. Not an item on our tables but the unabashed and bold love and support from our family and friends. Items that could have been sold to raise money for family vacations or to buy new furniture or pay for air conditioning repairs were sold to help bring a twelve-year old boy home from China. And it was HOT this weekend, muggy, over ninety degrees hot. Rain, adding to the humidity, would come and go, carelessly forcing our super team of family and friends to have to keep moving our deluxe garage sale to shelter.Ten minutes later, we were resetting up the sale again. We sweat together....ALOT. We organized and cleaned up together. We picked up more heavy and large items to sell together. We ate (and ate and ate) together. There were lots of great conversations and smiles the whole weekend. It was PERFECT chaos. And it was FAMILY and what FAMILY is SUPPOSE to be about. And love was felt every moment of this event. So to Brad and Renee Morris, to Jana Simpson, to my brother Jon and sister-in-law Corey, my brother Tim and sister-in-law Joann, to Aunt Renae Smith, and to my mom, THANK YOU. And again...THANK YOU. The money given for food and the donated items and the giving of hours and hours sitting and organizing and picking up items for the garage sale all show one thing about each of you: your immense hearts. The love and support shown not only helps to bring our Jonas home but also reaffirms how God continues to walk with our family every step of the way. Finally, to my brother Joe and sister-in-law Michelle, Amber and I are moved to tears at the extreme generosity and love you have shown our family by suggesting, planning, promoting, and then ultimately hosting this fundraiser. While we are grateful for the funds raised this weekend, it is MORE the fact that YOU opened your home to over twenty-two family members (many of whom were kids) for three days. You opened up your garage and driveway to hundreds of strangers and friends to peruse our garage sale. While kids jumped and swam in your pool, screamed and ran around your backyard, spilled countless cups of lemonade everywhere, and disrupted what could have been a peaceful summer weekend, you kept smiling and just gave. For us and your new nephew Jonas, you gave. And in the opening of your home, you really opened and again displayed your big, huge hearts and blew us away with your love and support. Thank you Joe and Michelle so VERY much. So to those that walked up that driveway and saw NOTHING but our second-hand junk, our old toys and clothing, and didn't drink our warm glasses of lemonade, you may have missed out on seeing the REAL TREASURES there. They were the support and unity of a family that shows LOVE to be MORE than just a word. From my childhood through college years, my Grandma and Grandpa Russell blessed me and my entire family countless times. Whether it was taking us out to eat at Bob Evans or Cavis Grill, listening to us as we shared our heartbreaks and triumphs across that circle table in their kitchen, coming to our rescue when our cars broke down, or offer financial help when there was a music camp to attend or college tuition due, giving was in the very nature of WHO my grandparents were. And as I matured and began to realize the sacrifices my grandparents made to help me and our family, I became less comfortable with the taking of their time, their love, their help and felt more guilt about receiving this love in the form of help. Perhaps it was my pride. Or perhaps it the fact that I felt I could never repay what they had given to me throughout my life. Often, I just did not want to become expectant of gifts without having a truly grateful heart. In moments of my protest of receiving yet again, my grandmother, true to her Victorian roots, would simply say, " Just say thank you, graciously." And I would mumble my grandmother's phrase, STILL feeling guilty about needing to depend upon them for their help. Since last writing, many HUGE moments in our adoption process have arrived. Our dossier was finalized, approved, and sent to China (which is DTC or "Documents To China). After being accepted and received, our documents became officially "LID" (Log In Date). At this point, China is reviewing our home study and full dossier and translating it into Chinese. The next critical step will be when we are sent our LOA (Letter of Acceptance). Our journey is moving fast, and with that speed fees are coming more quickly. Our family's adoption journey to bring Jonas home once again finds me and my family in the position of being the receiver of the love and help of our family and friends. And we are humbled and so grateful for these acts of love, but again, as the dear friends and family come alongside us, I, at first, feel so strange and odd to be again receiving such beautiful help. I often feel that this is OUR journey, one that we selected. And then God gently reminds me that THIS is what it is all about. This journey has NEVER been about me. And it is not JUST about bringing Jonas home and into our lives and hearts. These selfless acts of love, this giving, thinking of others before self are what life was always meant to be about, LOVE. And sure, my family is in the midst of an incredible and scary journey to bring a boy into our family from China. This makes us appear to have "giving" all figured out, but how many moments have passed when I had the opportunity to GIVE and did not? Even the other day, when a man, coming from dumpster behind Little Ceasar's Pizza asked for a dollar, there was a hesitation. And even though I didn't have any money on me, as I drove away I felt God gentle nudging that I could have offered to buy him a pizza or a pop. I know my friend Dennis Cook lives this way EVERY SINGLE DAY. You know what is NOW happening as each person comes alongside us and gives so freely? I find myself more inspired to be a BETTER giver myself. Their example of love and sacrifice motivates me to look and see how I can give more time, more effort, more of what I have to give to others. These angels on earth cause me to stop and look in my mirror and consider whether I truly live my life for others or for my self. And so Tammy Ward, Jennifer Kornago, Anne Thueme, Mary Viney, Mark and Val Maher, my dear McCulloch and Varty families, not only are your acts of love bringing Jonas home, but they are also changing the very fabric of who I am, and I'm sure who Amber, Logan, Scout, Quaid and Sawyer are. And I know that this list will grow and grow as friends and family come alongside us to climb this mountain and help an orphan boy in China find his forever family. People often remark how our adoption is changing the world, but your acts of love are doing exactly that. Giving has the power to inspire more acts of love. And as my Grandma Russell would want me to say, with a most gracious and grateful heart, "Thank you." "This past Saturday we received our first bit of bad news" concerning the funding of our adoption of Jonas. As a high school teacher, I've witnessed countless high school students apply for scholarships and receive about one-third to one-fifth of the scholarships they had applied for. I knew that this would most likely be the case for Amber and I as we began seeking some help as the timeline is starting to speed up in our quest to get Jonas home. On Saturday morning, fresh after our first cup of coffee, we received our first (What do you honestly call it?).....rejection letter. Okay, that may be a bit over-dramatic. Actually, for the most part, the letter, from one of the foundations we had applied to for an international adoption grant, was an encouraging letter, offering prayer for us as we continue our journey. There was still that one stinging phrase, "we genuinely regret that we are unable to offer financial support at this time." I felt a little numb. Amber, who has been saving and saving and has been "motivating" me to get grants done, shed a few tears of disappointment. We were both in shock. And it was a bit bittersweet to read how other families received the grant, who "appear", and who am I to judge or know, to be in a much better financial spot than we are. An it was so easy, at this news, to jump to quick conclusions and wonder what WE did wrong, how WE might have wrote the wrong answer on one of the many questions of the grant application. We're adopting a 12-year-old, out of birth order, with hemophilia. Some of the agencies and foundations we've read about aren't big fans of adopting out of birth order. For this grant, I had written a heart-felt and sincere, six-page essay laying out how God had thawed my stubborn, icy heart. The essay beautifully, at least I thought it did, how God had lead our family down an ever-winding journey that unexpectedly led us to a beautiful boy in Taiyuan City who has hemophilia and will soon age out. In these moments, you begin to question, to wonder, and to feel a bit of an icy chill at the corners of your heart. Bitterness, jealousy, and anger start to whisper in your ear. With any challenge or set-back, and ours was TREMENDOUSLY TINY, you begin to wonder where God is in the mix. Wouldn't God want to bless us with the means to bring home Jonas as soon as possible? And with doubt, comes tremendous worry. Then something UNEXPECTED and MIRACULOUS happened. Our soon-to-be ten-year-old, Quaid, came quietly in with his devotional book, Jesus Calling: 365 Devotions for Children, and his Bible. Quaid simply OPENS UP TO SATURDAY'S SPECIFIC DATE, May 21 and begins to read the following words to Amber and I... "I, the Creator of the whole universe, am with you and for you. What more could you need? So there is no need to worry about anything-ever. And yet, you do worry." Quaid continued reading. The words kept assaulting our hearts and strengthening our shaky faith. We were in a NEW kind of shock now. As he kept reading the short devotional, he eventually read these words: "Worry happens when you snatch back control of your life from Me. You forgot that I am in charge. ....How could I not give you everything else you need?" He finished his time by reading the assigned Scripture readings (Romans 8:31 and Micah 7:7). And that was it. I tend to believe that God allows everything to happen as it is suppose to. And while I scratch my head at the deaths of children, the prevalence of cancer, an auto-wreck that suddenly abruptly ends a teenager's life, tornadoes roaring through and destroying lives at random, or why it is such a struggle to help bring our child home from China. I am NOT in control, and I do not have the sight to see the larger purpose behind setbacks, heartaches, and tragedies. In our case, the blessing that came from bad news was seeing the faith of one my children in action. And seeing my children trust in God is worth a hundred rejection letters. God's message on Saturday morning was simply to Trust and See. We will trust that God will provide, NOT in naivete, but in the confidence that HE is leading. God makes all things good. (Another verse near Romans 8:31). "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:31 |
"Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the EAST and gather you from the west" Archives
March 2017
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