One of our new holiday traditions is to drive to Davison, Michigan and spend a fun-filled day with my wife's uncle and aunt. Renae and Larry Smith. Their house sits deep on property surrounded by woods and the Flint River directly behind their house. They have a zip line, a hot tub, canoes, four-wheelers, trails to hike, and a warm and open home that we all love to visit. Many memories have been made there. This past December, we planned a day to drive the forty-five minute trip to Larry and Renae's house. As you might imagine, our four kids were ecstatic at the thought of a day filled with great food, laughter, running through the forest, and playing board games. As the day drew to a close, the weather started to take a turn for the worse, and we had to get back home so that Amber could babysit for her cousin. As snow and sleet continued to fall, my mood progressed from cranky to super ogre at the thought of the LONG drive down I-69. I knew that this would NOT be a simple, forty-five minute trip. Just one mile down the road, we knew, based on the slippery feel on the road and the turtle pace of the traffic, that this was NOT going to be a fun-filled journey home. And believe me, that 90-plus minute drive back to Port Huron was NOT "fun," at ALL. For most of the ride, my speed didn't rise much above twenty-five miles an hour. With the exception of the arrogant four-wheel drive trucks on the road, all of the other cars kept this snail pace too. Neither lane was plowed or salted. I felt like I was on that horrifying show, Ice Road Truckers, but I didn't have the power and stability of being behind the wheel of some beastly semi truck. No, I was in my family-friendly Town and Country mini van. Snow and sleet continued to assault the roads and my view through the windshield. But more than the fact that it was late at night and I was exhausted, more than awful road conditions and extremely slow travel speed, more than the visions of my FAMILY UPSIDE DOWN IN THE DITCH AS THE WOLVES OF I-69 CIRCLED OUR VEHICLE LOOKING FOR THE PLUMPEST PERSON TO DEVOUR, it was the passing semis that concerned and scared me the most. As I crawled down that stretch of highway, semi trucks, with their multiple tires of power and strength, zoomed through the passing lane as if there were driving on a clear, sunny day in June. As the gale-force power of those trucks approached and passed our little family van, I swear that it felt like our whole vehicle would get shook off the road and end up in the ditch. Even worse, as these terrors of the interstate soared past our mini-van, they sprayed a tidal wave of snow and sleet that conquered even the most aggressive windshield wiper speeds. Every time, I saw the little evil eyes of those semi trucks peering in the distance, miles behind us, I got all tensed up. I was convinced that on this night one of those huge freight haulers would simply shove us into one of those deep, never-ending ditches. So my focus kept wildly shifting from the dark and ominous road that stretched ahead of us to constantly staring in the rear view mirror to see if another terrifying truck was approaching to wipe the McCulloch family off the road. There were several moments where I almost pulled off the highway and wanted to be done. My nerves were shot, and I was totally uncertain of traveling any farther down that road anymore. Despite some tremendous moments in our family's current journey through our international adoption process, recently Amber and I have both reached points where we wondered if it was time to pull over and not keep moving forward on this journey. Had we started on a journey that would leave our family in a "ditch"? Was the tension and arguments worth the final outcome? We have never been naive in recognizing that adopting our future son would certainly be a financial challenge, a challenge to the current makeup and chemistry of our family, and, recently, an emotional challenge as we now are considering not just adopting one child but two. There have been several sleepless night with the thoughts that have held captive our heads and hearts. Through prayer and the encouragement of friends, we have continued to move forward, but just as that cold and crazy ride home last December on I-69, I keep switching my panicked perspective from looking at the ominous and frightening road ahead to looking at the rear view mirror. Instead of being overwhelmed by approaching semi trucks, I occasionally catch an overwhelming glimpse of how my family would have been, before making this decision to adopt. As so often in life, we get a certain image as to how our families will look and function, but reality, or perhaps in our case God, delivers a different version than what we envisioned. When the fears of how your family will now POSSIBLY be, after bringing in a child that will most likely have special needs, that may have attachment disorders, and cannot speak any English, you find yourself staring in that rear view mirror, waiting for those fears to eventually shake you "off the road." Other "semi trucks" that seem to blaze down the highway, out of nowhere, include how your parenting will be affected by additional children, how your marriage will be affected by this journey, and how you will juggle work responsibilities with the higher and more important priority of raising a family. It can be enough to make you want to pull off on the next exit and not drive one more mile down that road. But what would have been lost if I had just pulled over on that cold, winter night? I would have never arrived where I always long MOST to be, my home. My home is where my family is. An my family will always be where my heart is. If I had stopped our drive, I would never have arrived where I find the greatest abundance of love. And this is the same with our current adoption journey. If we simply gave up, which with faith and trust in God we have NO intention of doing, we would never arrive where we were meant to be, not just our home, but our NEW version of HOME and FAMILY. Sure the view through our windshield, on this journey, looks downright scary at times. Sure, we foolishly and nervously keep peering in the rear view mirror to see either what we have left behind or to see what fear may try to run us off the road next. But we keep moving forward, trusting that God truly knows the road ahead and will guide us safely to our new version of HOME.
2 Comments
Renae Smith
2/9/2016 09:57:49 pm
Wow!! Just made it home from a 2 hr scary ride down 69!! Thank you Lord!! Thank you Lord for this loving family with a Home filled with love to SHARE❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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Jamie Catanzaro
2/10/2016 08:34:13 pm
Beautiful examples of faith in action! Our love and prayers are with you!
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